Self-Help Seminar
Amelia circled the dates on her calendar and requested the days off at work. “Freedom From Your Comfort Zone” was an exclusive seminar hosted by the white-teethed woman from the video and her balding husband in the polo shirt and khaki pants. The pair guaranteed they could teach Amelia how to “free herself from her mind prison” for only $2000 upfront. She was psyched.
Amelia located the link to purchase tickets on the website and scrolled on through the testimonials: Julie in South Carolina tripled her bookkeeping business in under a month. Patty in Utah got her real estate license and already sold her first house. Amelia scrolled on. Ben the beer maker just opened his fourth franchise location. Caroline makes thousands selling her custom dog treats. Trixie is now a successful ranch hand. Axel finally quit his job to start a lucrative butterfly farm. Timothy runs massively popular helicopter tours out of the Hudson River Valley. Xavier trades stocks from a remote corner of Barbados with no internet. Parma is an influencer with a book deal.
Amelia wondered if she would make the website too. Who knew what she could accomplish once she was freed from the destructive clutches of her own comfort. She clicked the large orange button that beckoned “Are You Ready To Change Your Life?” Amelia rifled through her purse for her wallet. She was ready. But the payment screen did not open. It was more testimonials: Paxton develops B2B software for endangered pandas. Aristotle sleeps in a yurt on Ed Sheeran’s estate. MoneyPenny reads tarot at NASA.
Amelia scrolled again to the bottom of the page and again she found the payment button. “I Am Ready To Follow My Dreams!” it decreed. Again Amelia clicked and again she was transported to a new window of more testimonials: Sir Arthur Conan Doyle plays backup guitar for a Def Leppard cover band. Henry VIII is a part-time alchemist and currently has over twenty gold statues in his garage (and counting). Amelia scrolled again. “Take Me To My Destiny!” the button wailed and she clicked. The testimonials: Fleetwood Mac babysits for celebrity holograms. Jeremy governs subterranean Lapland.
Amelia paused. She had met Jeremy before at an affirmations seminar in Bali. He was kind of a dick. The button on her screen flashed and honked at her, “ABSOLVE YOURSELF OF SIN!!!” Amelia got out her credit card and clicked again, determined to carry on.
